About this Blog
After learning 228 LE officers took their own lives in 2019 I feel compelled to share my story with hope it may help someone else who is struggling with PTSD or experiencing some type of mental health crisis. This blog is also directed at those entering into a career where repeated exposure to trauma is likely.
The launch date of this blog marks the 1 year anniversary of when the glass tipped and my brain had enough. From here, I’ll share some of the traumatic events, before and after (February 18th, 2019) of my life & career and refer to cases I’ve had over the years that chipped away at my psyche without realizing it. It’s true that the cases involving kids stick with you, more than I ever knew. I will also share what I have learned from therapy and how to potentially avoid PTSD.
I was at the height of my career as a detective for the Frederick Police Department when I was diagnosed and it’s a hard pill to swallow. I had planned on working another 10 years or so but in an instant I was no longer “Detective Dave'' in the community, an investigator for the 19th Judicial Critical Incident Response Team, a member of the Regional Auto Theft task force, or a member of the Child Fatality Review Committee. Everything was put on hold as I sat at home wondering what happened and why I couldn’t control my emotions and pull myself together. I felt ridiculously weak, depressed and began to understand why 1st responders take their own lives. I never went there as I refuse to allow that evil to control me, but it was frightening to understand why some people choose that route.
After nearly a year of intensive EMDR and exposure therapy I’ve learned a few things about how I got to where I am, but more importantly, how I could have avoided this potentially career ending diagnosis. Yes, you CAN avoid this IF you take care of yourself throughout your career.
Although I may refer to it, this blog is not about the specifics of the Watts homicide(s) case and I won’t tolerate negative comments surrounding it. If you’re one of the YouTube conspiracy theorists I’ve been made aware of, please go back to YouTube or wherever you feel most comfortable. The limited facts I share may differ from what you've heard or seen because they are facts and not edited versions of them to create sensationalism. I know the truth because I studied and lived it every day for months. Anything beyond the truth will be omitted. Thanks in advance for your respect and consideration.
This blog is NOT about money or exploiting a tragedy of any kind. I pay for this site and won’t accept personal donations. If you're interested in making a donation please consider organizations such as Blue H.E.L.P. or the Lone Survivor Foundation. Also, if you're a producer reading this, please note that I will continue to decline interview requests associated with profit or sensationalism.
Although I've written hundreds of reports in my career I don't claim to be an author or have an editor for this blog. I just type my thoughts as they come up so please just go with it.
As I indicated on the Home page I will write how my career drew me away from my faith and how events associated with the Watts case later renewed my faith in God! If that offends you I suggest you stop here.
It should be noted that this blog contains material that may be graphic to some. Reader discretion advised.
Ephesians 6:12, KJV: For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.